3 posts tagged “men”
I wanted to spend some time in the park yesterday but I didn't want to do so without something to read. I stopped by a news stand and picked up, what else but, a Cosmopolitan. It proudly has "The #1 women's magazine" printed above the bar code -- pretty high standards if you tell me. I wonder how seriously Cosmo takes itself because there's nothing in that magazine that merits "#1" especially when they proudly publish this:
I laughed and cried at tips like:
My woman made an audio recording of the sounds she made while pleasuring herself and then downloaded the track onto my MP3 player. -Darren, 27
What woman has the time of day for this? It's just about ridiculous to imagine a woman going through all the trouble of turning masturbation into an MP3 file, sneaking away with her boyfriend's iPod to download it, and think that it won't seem slightly desperate . . . People are odd.
And how about this one:
Act pleasantly surprised when you touch his penis by saying mmm or oooh. -Joelle, 25
Really? After 25 years that's all you've got? I bet you're exciting Joelle. Guys fall at their knees to have you coo to their cocks. Brilliant! She's pretty much saying every time you see it act like a little school girl and pretend like it's your first time every time. All guys love fucking virgins, or pretend, anyway.
I didn't read anything in the entire list that I'm just dying to try out. I've either done it before or it's just not worth injuring myself to find out about. I guess that's how you stay "#1" by printing worthless drivel.
Why do I insist on squandering $4.29 of my hard earned money?
There's something to say about a guy who likes to put his girl on display. Just yesterday I left for work in a charcoal mini, black boots, black tights, and a black satin blouse. He not only helped me pick out the outfit but he also paid for it (minus the boots and tights). I got the usual hoots and hollers and some stalker action. It was an eventful day in the clothes of a hooker.
Walking down the sidewalk together one evening a random dude with dreadlocks yelled at him with a grin: "Aren't you the lucky rascal, you!" We laughed about it and I still bring it up from time to time as a joke, but he never once denied it's validity. It's a good feeling to feel like one half of a relationship. There are moments where one feels more like a tumor than another half. Luckily neither one of us can claim to feel this way. He's the smarter, older, man dating a fun twenty-something. Even though our relationship isn't as shallow as I've just described it's easy for everyone to see it that way. There is a significant age gap. And J said it best when she called me his "little red Corvette."
But, hey, I'll take it. I'm going to embrace my youth while the gettin' is good.
. . . good thing I have a good personality too or else I'd be screwed.
. . .that I am playing games with myself.
