I received my rebate check earlier in the week. I was prudent enough to put half away, but who am I kidding? I'm a chick. I have to go and put it to good use, you know . . . to stimulate the economy.
There are a few movies out that look really good. I have my eyes on The Strangers and Sex and the City. What human with a vagina wouldn't want to rush the ushers for a seat to the year's biggest movie premiere? This is when I feel the void the best friend has left in my life. :-(
Whatever. It's Friday and the business day is half over. Totally ready for the weekend.
he mentioned in an e-mail that i had a "disregard for those last 10 pounds." not sure about you but when someone says i could lose a few i get a smidge insecure. i joined a gym last night and proceeded to work out for two hours (half yoga, the other on machines). i'm starting to feel some soreness. even though i've been out of the loop for 5 months i'm still in pretty decent shape.
lighter? hmph. in two weeks i'm going to look so good it'd make a grown man cry. fucker.
and yet I receive two compliments on the way to work. the world works in mysterious ways. not that I'm complaining but I still don't get it.
Because my stuff was still at his place I had a reason to contact him since the end. (I know, I know, chastise me later) . . . anyway, he's been very good about it all. Whatever response he gives me he reminds me that I'm not being a pest and that he loves me but wants to give me time to figure out what I want, and shit. It was really hard to keep from begging myself back into his arms. (Seriously, today I pretty much gave up a little and screamed a reconciliation. He wouldn't have any of it.) Now, it's official I will not see him in the very near future. (We sorted the getting of my stuff back via e-mail.) There's no telling when, really because we don't frequent the same spots, take the same trains, work less than 16 blocks (including 3 cross town ones) away from each, and live in opossite sides of the city. There is absolutely no chance of a run in. A relief, maybe? No clue.
What am I getting at?
Since not seeing or technically hearing from him every day is a little easier. I'm calming down a bit. I'm not bursting into tears. I think he's helping me transition by not giving into a brat and letting me run to him (because I would, right now, in fact, if he told me so -- bad I know). So I'm mending. He's slowly fading. Yes, I miss him but I'm getting less desperate. (If you saw me in the beginning you would know what I'm talking about.) Thank whoever for my ladies, without them my sanity would have surely been lost.
I started reading this:
(Only my book doesn't have that hideous front cover. Ew.) I watched the movie adaptation a while ago and was disturbed yet fascinated by the unfolding. It's actually quite therapeutic, reading the first person point of view of characters who are more fucked up than I ever fear to be gives me hope. At least I'm not that bad . . . that far gone. Brilliant is the word that comes to mind as I experience life through these eyes.
Also, I like knowing that my inner turmoil is tame compared to others.
i like my body when it is with your
body. It is so quite a new thing.
Muscles better and nerves more.
i like your body. i like what it does,
i like its hows. i like to feel the spine
of your body and its bones, and the trembling
-firm-smooth ness and which i will
again and again and again
kiss, i like kissing this and that of you,
i like,, slowly stroking the, shocking fuzz
of your electric fur, and what-is-it comes
over parting flesh....And eyes big love-crumbs,
and possibly i like the thrill
of under me you quite so new
me no likey:
1. any human with a penis
2. wanting to pass out at my desk
3. not getting paid till Thursday
4. pap smears
5. the death of my sex drive
i'll take two scoops:
1. home
2. New York in the summer
3. phone calls from the best friend
4. my Zune's uncanny ability to sense what music to play
5. sugar highs
6. knowing there's more
Summer is next month. I've missed it. I have no idea what this year's season has in store for me. Regardless of how exciting or dull it will turn out threat of snow storm won't keep me indoors.
What to look forward to:
street fairs
South Street Seaport
Central Park
dinning al fresco
wearing dresses/skirts
movies at Bryant Park
etc . . .
It's getting hot in here. :-)
